It’s kind of amazing how doing something that scares you makes you realize so much about yourself. As I was walking around the airport this morning, laughing about how going to the airport is never as scary as I think it is, I realized how much of a perfectionist I am. I’ve never thought of myself as a perfectionist because I’m not really OCD. Yes I know they are two different things but I’ve always associated the two.
Let me back up. I booked this flight a month in advance. Once I do something, I kind of forget about it. To be honest if I had no desire or obligation to get on this flight, I probably wouldn’t have (#anxiety) because the money is already spent and I’ve just been going on with my life ever since.
Okay keep with me. Because I wanted to spend New Years with my best friend who lives in Montreal, and because she’s expecting me to show up, well that’s reason enough for me to get on this flight. But I really didn’t want to. Why? Because I’m a perfectionist.
I want to be perfect in every situation. I want to pack everything that I would need. I want to know exactly how to get to my gate at the airport. I want every conversation I have with someone to be light and friendly. I want to go through security seamlessly. If this doesn’t happen, anxiety does.
Now I have noooo idea where this came from and why I feel so compelled for everything to work out perfectly for me, but I do. And I just realized this today. Crazy right?
Anyways, more on this another day. I’ve got a flight to catch!