I don’t know about you, but I completely missed the memo about your twenties being an emotional fucking roller coaster. I go through periods of time where I feel so on top of the world. Then all of a sudden, it’s as if I’m not doing or being enough.
Up until we enter the work force, everything we do is on a timeline. We grow up going to school, doing the same thing everyday until we’re in our twenties, and all of a sudden time starts to speed up. School is replaced with work but we’re no longer limited to what we can do with our day or where we’re going with our lives. Everyone is moving in different directions.
Now that I’m out in the real world, I can honestly say it’s never been so lonely. People are selfish-as we all should be. The biggest lesson I’ve had to learn is being okay with being alone while also opening myself up to other people and new relationships. This balance has always been tough for me. I cherish and value the relationships in my life so deeply. The scary thing about it: I don’t know when someone could just up and leave. There are constant transitions and hoops to jump through. Friends get new jobs, move, get married and everything feels like it’s going that much faster. It’s fucking stressful.
I’ve thought of myself as someone who gets bored easily, but I’ve begun to realize that maybe it’s really my fear of getting left behind that keeps my world constantly moving and changing. Because if I’m the one who’s constantly moving, transitioning and working on new projects then no one has the opportunity to leave me behind. I mean, it’s not the worst thing in the world to be this way, but I do tend to take on projects or people that don’t resonate with me. I think we all feel this way at one point or another.
At the end of the day, it’s all a learning process. It’s easier said than done, but I’ve been trying to do more things for myself and not for others. I’ve begun to take the time to really evaluate what I want to do and where I want to go with my life, and accepting that I may need to slow down a bit in some areas in order to give more energy to other areas.