Hello, hi, it’s me again. Back with a sleep update.
It’s 12:42am and I have been tossing and turning since 9:00pm.
The other day, some friends and I were playing a game. One of the questions asked was: would you rather hibernate for 3 months and be wide awake for 9 months, or sleep everyday as you normally do. Only two of us voted to hibernate for 3 months.
At the time I thought it was wild. I didn’t understand why only two of us thought hibernating for 3 months sounded amazing. Then I realized….it’s probably because everyone else can actually sleep at night.
Going to bed at night is my least favorite part of my day, right behind waking up in the morning.
I get so much anxiety at night as the clock turns later and later, I’m constantly doing the math in my head for how much sleep I’ll end up getting that night if I fell asleep at that exact moment. Soon enough though, it’s later and the 2am thoughts start creeping in. Kind of what happened tonight which is why I decided to get up and write this post.
If I could have it my way, I would get up at 5am everyday. My favorite days are the ones that I get up early and crank out all my work in the morning. But those days are few and far between. Because the process of waking up in the morning is just as exhausting as falling asleep.
I don’t mean to sound like I’m complaining, I’m just ready to get this problem solved already. I have been going to my doctor for almost a year now, and I’ve always thought my sleep problems correlated with depression or anxiety. I thought, if I could just tackle those, my sleep will improve. But yesterday I had an appointment and my doctor confirmed that I’m a completely different person from when she first met me. And I agree with her, I have come a long way. But this sleep issue hasn’t improved at all.
It’s definitely not normal, my doctor and I both agree. So I’m off to see a Sleep Specialist in the next couple weeks to figure out what in the world is going on with me.
So that’s the very anticlimactic update. I go through fits and starts with this stuff. Some months I get amazing sleep, but the past month or so….I just haven’t figured out what to do. Anyways, off to bed again.