(image via: Eye of the Beholder)
WARNING! This is very blunt and to the point.
I have way too many girlfriends who put up with scumbags. As women, we have this idea in our heads that we are the problem. We aren’t doing enough for our partner and that’s why they treat us the way they do. It’s our fault.
No, it’s not our fault. It’s theirs.
There are plenty of reasons why you may still be with someone. Loneliness, guilt, hurt, fear, or maybe you believe that you don’t deserve anything better. If you’re feeling any of these feelings, you need to be on your own, for a few reasons:
One, if your significant other is making you feel any of these feelings, it is not a good match right off. You are in for a lot more hurt in the future whether you want to believe this or not. Sure you may get married, but it will most likely end in unhappiness. You will teach your sons that it’s okay to treat women this way, and you will teach your daughters that this is how men treat their wives. You will feel lonelier than you would if you were actually alone.
Two, if you are scared to be alone, you need to be alone. And you need to stop wallowing in your sorrows and remember that you aren’t actually alone. No you won’t have 24-hour attention from a man, but you’ll have attention from your girlfriends and family, which is something you can actually rely on. Loneliness is terrifying and hard to get through but it is necessary to grow and to become better. You need to discover your worth and your passions without someone else constantly influencing them.
Three, if you aren’t happy in your relationship but you don’t leave, you’re being disloyal to your partner. Just because he’s a scumbag DOES NOT mean you need to be a scumbag too. You’re lying to him and you’re lying to yourself. Enough about him though, YOU are miserable and you’re feeling guilty for leaving him. STOP IT. He’s not loving you the way you need to be loved. You’re wasting your time on him when you could be out there meeting the man who actually knows how to love you.
Four, in the beginning this guy was so great and all of a sudden ‘he’s changed’. Believe me I KNOW THIS. But maybe he hasn’t changed at all…maybe he’s been like this the entire time and you didn’t see it because you were still getting to know him. Well now you know him. This is tough. The guy you thought he was isn’t the guy he is. But remember who you thought he was and how much you loved THAT person. Because a person like THAT is who you actually need to be with.
Relationships are tough, which is exactly why you shouldn’t settle for less than what you want. I want a guy who opens any and all doors for me. And I don’t plan on dating anyone until he does just that. Some people could call me high maintenance, but that’s just how I receive love. I need to feel appreciated and respected, because on the other side of the coin is a woman who will drop anything to help her man out. You need to get out of your head and stop telling yourself that you can put up with the relationship you’re in because it’s not like you have to AT ALL.
If you’re interested in learning about the different ways people receive and give love, I recommend reading The 5 Love Languages.