Why I’m Not Looking

If you’re in your twenties like me, you’ve probably dealt with the ‘are you seeing or interested in anyone’ questions. We’re in this weird phase of our lives where half our friends are married and half of them are no where close to that.

I don’t know, for me it’s just not a priority right now. I feel so much more at peace with myself when I’m alone. Actively looking for a man doesn’t make me happy it stresses me out. Like why do I need to make all this effort to find a guy? It’s crazy.

I have a few friends who are in love and I’m so incredibly happy for them. It’s not that I don’t want to be in love. I just don’t want love to be the only thing that makes me happy. I’m trying to be happy on my own, ya know? I want love to enhance my happiness.

My friends have subtly been making hints that I should get out there and date. Now I’m not bashing my friends at all. I mean this is coming from a place of love. They aren’t being annoying about it or anything they just want me to be happy. But because they brought it up, I started to wonder if something’s wrong with me since I’m not actively looking for a man. The answer is FUCK NO.

You see, I’m the type of woman who needs to be pursued. I’m shy to big changes, I won’t lie, and I need to know that you won’t totally fuck up my life if I let you in. Been there, done that, really not trying to go back. I like a man who understands that there is a warm up period with me. I need to know it’s safe for me to be myself around you. Unfortunately a lot of men mistake my standoff-ish actions for playing hard to get. Nope, I’m not. I just uh…don’t fucking know you at all? Lmao.

Sometimes I attract the kind of men I don’t mean to attract. There’s a lot of men these days who think that once they reel you in, they have you and don’t need to try anymore. WRONG. Or there are those men who get bored because what they really want is the thrill of the chase…I call these guys ‘Chad’. Chads aren’t too hard to spot and I’m usually out just as fast as I was in. I have no time for that BS. In these scenarios, I just get to the point where I’m over the game. It’s boring and a turn off to me.

Okay now think about your friends for a minute. When you make a new friend you slowly start running into each other, talking and hanging out more. No pressure. Once you really get to know each other and are more comfortable it’s so natural for you to want to be there for that person. You look out for them and they look out for you. You go that extra mile because that’s what friends fucking do. This is what I’m looking for. Someone who values the people in their life, and last time I checked that includes your SO. I don’t think you need to look for love I think it just happens, like friendships do.

I’m just tired of settling. I want someone I can’t keep up with. Yes, you read that right. Someone who pushes me out of my comfort zone in the most supportive way. When we talk we just get each other. I don’t need to explain myself to him. There’s an undeniable trust between us. I don’t question his feelings because his actions say it all. We give each other tough love. We’re constantly working to connect and grow together. We switch it up on a regular basis. We challenge each other to be better. We help each other when we need it. We’re supportive of each other’s decisions, accomplishments, and failures.

I’ve had some friends tell me to loosen up a bit because men like that don’t exist. I don’t think that’s true. He’s out there doing his own thing just like I’m doing my own thing right now. It will happen when the time is right. And honestly, if men like that actually don’t exist then I’d rather be alone.

Moral of the story: don’t think you need someone in your life to make you happy. Just because it feels like everyone else is settling down does not mean you need to. Know what you want and focus on that.

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