I’m Grateful For..

It’s crazy to think that three years ago I really wasn’t that concerned with my future. Being 25 now, one thought that’s always floating in the back of my head is ‘am I doing enough with my life?’

Being or doing ‘enough’ is especially difficult when you’re not even sure where you want to go in your lifetime. If I’m being honest, I have a million ideas of things that I want to do, but I have no clear vision on what direction I want to go in right now and that’s terrifying for me. It’s terrifying for a lot of my friends. Sometimes I feel like we’re all just fighting to stay out of last place.

I think A LOT. My mind wanders A LOT. My friends sometimes catch me dazing off into the distance because I’m so in my head about things. To a certain degree it’s self-sabotaging to be so caught up in the ‘what ifs’ of life. One thing that I’ve always found difficult but very rewarding is to break that habit and come back down to earth for a bit. One way I do this is by practicing gratitude, it forces me to focus on the here and now.

I feel like I’m constantly daydreaming, and I tend to forget about all the beautiful things I have in this current moment. I’ll think more about what I don’t have and the people who are making more moves than I am. I also know that focusing on only one aspect of my life isn’t going to make me happy.  That’s the other annoying thing about 25, your career feels like the only thing that makes you feel seen.

Anyways, I’ve decided to share my list of things that I am grateful for, hopefully it will help and inspire you to do the same and live more presently.

My Family

I was raised and taught that family comes first always. I’m grateful to have parents who have gotten out of bed in the middle of the night to drive to me during some of the scariest moments of my life. I’m grateful to have a brother who literally NEVER complains if I ask him for help, and honestly shows me how a real man should treat me (he’s only 17 btw). I’m grateful for my younger sister, one of the few people I feel so deeply connected to, like I never need to explain myself she just gets it. I’m grateful to have my older sister who teaches me patience and that life doesn’t need to be so serious.

My Friends

I’m grateful that I have friends in my life who literally make my heart throb. Friends who actually bring me back down to Earth. When we spend time together, I find myself stopping to take it all in and appreciate the fact that everyone I love is together and having fun. I’m grateful to have people in my life who know that I’m actually a little insane and are totally okay with that. I’m grateful that I have such a deep connection with my best friends. Fuck, I’m grateful that I have so many people who love me.

The Little Things

It doesn’t take a lot to make me happy. My best friend always makes fun of me for this; one person could hold the door for me and my morning is MADE. That’s what I’m grateful for though. The fact that little things get me excited. Grabbing dinner with an old friend, receiving unexpected gifts or messages, being able to sit in silence with someone you love, to name a few things.

The Big Things

I’m grateful for the ability to put a roof over my head and food in my mouth, to own a car, to have gone to school, to have a job. Sometimes I get so used to having these things that I forget how many people aren’t able to. I’m grateful I have the ability and flexibility to change my life if I want to.

My Experiences

I’m grateful I’ve had so many opportunities in my life to learn and grow. I’m grateful I’ve gotten to travel where I have traveled and meet all the people I have met. I’m grateful for all my negative and positive experiences because it has gotten me to the point where I am at today. I am grateful that, because of my experiences, I have the willingness and desire to grow.

 

Life Lately

Do you ever have those days where everything is perfectly fine then all of a sudden you get this overwhelming feeling of sadness? Like out of fucking no where. Your day is practically over at this point. You can’t pull yourself out of it because it’s so fucking intense and you have no idea why. That’s been life lately.

My first real breakdown was last week while I was at lunch with my mom. Yes you best believe I was that hoe in the middle of the restaurant crying hysterically to her mom. All I kept thinking was ‘why am I so upset right now??’

The second breakdown was last night. I was talking with a friend on the phone and couldn’t hold myself together. I don’t know if he could tell I was crying, but he knew something was wrong because of how he handled the rest of our conversation. He told me he could tell I’ve been different lately and encouraged me to open up to more of my friends about things in my life that I’ve been struggling with. So I got off the phone and talked with my roommates, cue crocodile tears, yet again.

Now I joke a lot that I am a cry baby, because I legit am. Lmao. But I really don’t cry that much in front of other people. At least not about real shit. I actually hate talking about myself with others. Not really because I’m afraid to face it or anything just because I hate feeling dumb when someone doesn’t pick up on the fact that it’s been eating me alive for awhile. I hate when I reach out for help and no one takes my hand. I also just hate the attention. I don’t like people knowing the ins and outs of my life, there’s too much space for judgement.

Yesterday I kind of realized that a lot of people have my back. I’ve felt lost for a really long time now, I still do as I write this. My friends reminded me of the things that I’ve forgotten about myself. Have you ever been so lost that you don’t even know who you are anymore? I’ve literally forgotten some of the things that used to make me happy.

I hate change. I won’t leave bad situations because I’m afraid it won’t get any better. Which is fucking ridiculous by the way. I’ve gotten so used to living comfortably that I forgot what the adrenaline of the unknown feels like. If I’m being completely transparent, I’ve been living in fear for a long time. Not knowing the outcome of any situation terrifies me.

Now enough with feeling bad for myself. Yes, I’m struggling. Yes, I have shit to work out. I’m kind of at the point where I need to face it now. It’s terrifying and invigorating all at once. I guess what I’m trying to say is life is fucking hard by yourself. I need to reach out more to the people who love me. Asking for help doesn’t make me weak. Pushing myself to do scary shit is important to grow.

Practicing Bravery

This week I’ve been reminded that people’s outsides don’t always match their insides. We all face obstacles on a day-to-day basis, we all have our demons. Life can be tough and some days feel harder than others. You can have beautiful days where you want to freeze time and live in that moment forever. Then there are the days you can’t get out of bed because trying to tackle anything is too heavy to bear.

Asking for help has always been difficult for me. It’s hard to admit to yourself and others that you are struggling. It’s hard seeing the world move forward while you’re standing still-or even moving backwards. It’s hard to come to terms with the fact that you can’t do this on your own.

This week has given me the courage to be brave. Not only to be brave enough to ask for help when I need it, but to also be brave enough to reach out to someone who might need help from me. Kindness is remembered and cherished. It’s important to remind each other that we are not alone in this thing called life.

Morning Rituals are Underrated

As long as I can remember, I was organizing and making lists. From my to-do lists to my locker organization at school. No literally, I used to sketch locker designs before bed each night. I was obsessed.

Anyways. One thing I would write down since high school was my morning routine. I would time myself down to the minute and knew exactly how long it took me to get ready in the morning. Do I sound crazy yet? It’s funny because sometimes I’m just aggressively lazy.

It wasn’t until very recently that I realized how important a morning routine really was, and have since called it a morning ritual.

With my hectic schedule and a never ending to-do list, I need structure. During the day, my schedule is constantly changing. I could be sitting at my desk all day on Tuesday, then Wednesday I might be driving to antique shops looking for some new office furniture (no literally, this is what I do for work). Some days, I might have to drop everything I’m doing to meet a last minute deadline for a client. I’ve found that the best thing to keep me calm and centered on these hectic days is my morning ritual.

I wake up about 3 and a half hours before I need to be at work, and I go through this ritual. It includes working out, meditating, eating breakfast, getting ready for the day and even my drive to work. I can go into a little more detail with my ritual in another post, but today I want to focus on why a morning ritual is so important.

Doing the same thing every morning can seem boring and even tedious to some people, but the trick is scheduling in time for things that will get you off to the right start. When I wake up and do all the things that make me feel good, even if they seem daunting at 6AM, by the time I get to work I feel as if I’ve accomplished so much for the day already!

A morning ritual sets your day up for success. When you get up and do things that make you feel and look good, your attitude changes. You’re engaging with people because you put together a baller outfit. You keep your desk clean because you made your bed. You have salad and Kombucha for lunch because you had a smoothie and lemon water for breakfast. You kill it with new clients because you killed it in the gym. See the pattern here?

It’s the little things in life people. Don’t take your mornings for granted!

I would love to hear some of your favorite things to do in the morning, so leave a comment!

VDay Vibes

 

Seeing as tomorrow is Valentine’s Day, I feel it only fitting to write about where I’m at with all that stuff (you know, love and all.) Well, I’m honestly no where lol. But it’s okay, I kind of like it that way.

If anyone knows me personally, they know that my love life over the past few years has been a little rough. I’ve always struggled to balance my relationship with the rest of my life. What can I say, I’m a Pisces: a hopeless romantic who, at times, gets a little too lost in the daydream and struggles to see reality. Okay, it actually happens like all the time-I come up with some pretty amazing scenarios I have to say!

So when I find myself wrapped up in someone that asks a lot more than they should of me, I tend to give it all to them. I don’t like to say ‘no’ to people and when I like you, I REALLY don’t like to say ‘no’ to you. In my head I’m doing it for the sake of the love story and ‘he’s my soulmate blah blah blah’. Except when I take my rose-colored glasses off at the end of it, it’s suddenly super obvious I was sooo wrong lol like what have I been doing with this guy?

At the risk of sounding like a bitch: I’m also guilty of the game so if you play hard-to-get I’m gearing up and ready to go too. I’m here for it. And that’s usually where I like to stay, in the game, especially if you’re a beautiful man because it keeps my heart at a safe distance. No hard feelings just a lot of flirting and fun. Until someone crosses the line of wanting more….I’ve been on both sides and it never really works out after that.

If you can’t read through the lines I’ll spell it out for you: I haven’t quite figured out how to invest in men that I actually like. Vulnerability is tough and if you want quality relationships you have to learn to be vulnerable. So the love life is no where really at the moment. And I’m okay with that. One day I’ll get there and right now, I’m fine if that’s not today. Happy Vday Fam!

Love, Sioban

My 2018 Resolutions

Processed with VSCO with au5 preset

As we start to settle back into our routines, some of our resolutions may begin to slip through the cracks a bit. I can feel myself veering away and wanted to remind myself as well as motivate some of you to remember and revisit some of the things you are wanting to accomplish this year. I’ve created my resolutions in a way that I can grow and add onto them all this year. There is a general goal, but endless ways I could go about achieving it. I recommend you do this for continual growth. Enjoy!

Develop My Personal Brand
If I’m being honest, I’m not TOTALLY sure what this entails, but one of my bigger goals is to figure out what I’m passionate about and put it out into the world! I have been toying with many different things, all surrounding the idea of creating my own brand. This year I hope to gain more insight and direction!

Focus On My Health
I’ve learned so much about nutrition and nourishing my body this past year. My view on what ‘healthy’ means and looks like has changed greatly. Throughout this year I want to focus more on feeding my body what it needs and not always what it wants (*cough cough* ice cream *cough*). Along with my nutrition, I want to find a workout schedule and routine that works for me.

Build Meaningful Friendships
Since graduating from college in 2015, I’ve realized it’s a bit tougher meeting people in the real world. While I have made friends and strengthened my current relationships in 2017, I hope to meet and collaborate with other female bloggers and leave 2018 with even stronger friendships than I started.

Constantly Learn More
One big thing that I want to focus on this year is expanding my knowledge and continue to learn. This includes reading before bed, listening to podcasts, going to events, etc.. I recently started a list of books that I want to read and I’d love to start checking some of those off my list and sharing my knowledge with all of you!

Thank you for reading! Let me know what your new years goals are
and what you are doing now to reach them!

xx, Sioban

2017 Reflections

IMG_2758

The new year is a beautiful and exciting thing. It allows us all to reflect about the past year and celebrate not only our breakthroughs but also our struggles. I’ve learned so much in 2017, I didn’t even realize this until I took the time to sit down and reflect. I’ve decided to share my reflections as well as some of my goals for this new year.

I started out 2017 a little confused and lost. I had just gotten out of a long-term/long-distance relationship (literally on New Years Day) and was learning how to be on my own again. I used to find peace in working out but my passion for it wasn’t as great as it was in 2016. I was in a dark place then so fitness really pulled me out of the hole I dug for myself. Entering 2017, it was just part of my routine now. I still feel it to be very important and I still enjoy working out,  but it wasn’t something I was interested in pursuing any further than I already had. I was ready to explore something different.

2017 was a year of spiritual breakthrough. I’ve grown up going to Sunday School and church on Sundays, but I’ve always felt a disconnect with God. I couldn’t completely wrap my head around the idea of believing in something you couldn’t see. I didn’t understand how people could have this deep connection with the unknown. I believe in being a good person, but that’s so surface level and I couldn’t connect to the deeper meaning behind it all.

By spring I was drawn to a few people on YouTube who believed that the universe has a plan for us all and we need to be open to it. Going into the summer I attended a Tony Robbins seminar; it was such an eye opening experience. His approach to living is so beautiful it really changed my perspective on how to live. I learned that I was in control of a lot more than I thought I was. By fall, I found myself more at peace and wanting to explore this lifestyle further. I started reading and researching and before I knew it I had found something spiritual that finally resonated with me.

There are things in life that we have no control over. They could be beautiful things or they could be tragic things, but all of these things are happening for a reason and it’s to build you into the person you were meant to be. I was able to look at my past experiences (good and bad), appreciate them all, and be grateful that they happened. I’ve built a love for myself and my life that I didn’t have before and I’m actually excited for the unknown (aka the future). I have no idea where my life is going but I believe it’s going somewhere beautiful because I am not fighting it I am allowing it to happen.

I didn’t realize how much I’ve grown over the past year until I reminisced on all of this. I honestly think 2017 has been one of the best years of my life. I’ve never been more excited to grow and to see where the universe takes me. I’d love to hear any of your 2017 breakthroughs as well so we can all reminisce together.

Love, Sioban