I know this is a late one, but I honestly was not planning on writing today. I’ve been feeling very uninspired and emotional recently-I’ve heard this from a lot of my friends as well. Things just feel more overwhelming than usual.
I became very anxious earlier this evening. This has been happening every few days now, and when it does I feel lost and insecure. Tonight was my breaking point I guess, because I opened my journal and began writing in a very intentional way. I hate writing about my life as if I’m complaining or drowning in my sorrows. When I journal, I want to feel productive and understand my experiences better when I’m through.
So I started writing about my recent struggles. I focused on the emotions that have been coming up rather than people and situations. It was a brief paragraph that was not anchored to anything specific and that made it easier for me to see what has really been going on in my head. I wrote about how I’ve been feeling inadequate and that it’s bleeding into other aspects of my life. That I have been feeling confused, lost and insecure because of it. Then I gave myself a “pep talk”. I wrote to myself as if everything I had just said was sent to me in a text from a friend. What would I be telling this friend?
I told her that she doesn’t need anyone to validate her feelings because she knows in her heart she is worthy. I told her there is no right or wrong way to do anything, only what feels best for her. I told her that she’s beautiful, loving, kind, and giving to everyone she cares for in her life.
And then I wrote: “you’re trying to pull love from other people and that seeking of validation is what’s scaring you. You know how to love yourself better than anyone else. So love yourself.”
That was it. That was all that I needed to know. Those three sentences gave me peace. Those three sentences are why I’m writing this post. We all struggle and have our own ways of sifting through our emotions. I have never been someone to pretend something is not happening. I need to understand why I’m feeling the way that I am so I can move forward. I have not been loving myself as much as I deserve, and it’s been causing me to seek validation from others. Now that I understand this, I can move forward by giving myself more attention.
Sitting and letting your emotions be as they are is not an easy feat. But on the other end of it, when you learn and grow from them, you begin to understand the importance. I hope you enjoyed this Sunday Recap. A bit unexpected and raw from where I’m sitting, but it was much needed.